xgoldenmoonx

I transitioned from Spring to Summer, Summer to
Fall, and now it is almost winter. I changed my major and
nolonger scribble art projects over the floor. I diagram bodily
systems and I dissect studies in psychology. I want to be a therapist,
I want to help those who need it. I am a resident assistant in the
freshman dorm and this translates to not having a terrible amount
of free time and a lot of headaches [unruly children] I spend a lot
of time not breathing and drinking excessive amounts of
coffee. I have a single room, so I can stay up however late I want.
I have not forgotten about here, but I would be blessed if
I had the time to create and paint, do something besides
bulletin boards and door decs. I Love my job and have met
some amazingly dedicated people, my family, but one day
I will need to sleep again. If I do not freeze through the winter
[i could never keep myself warm, it's worse now] I will see you in the
Spring.

I got through my finals. It was a rough week, and I never
went to bed before 3am, but always before 430am. I love
not sleeping and I was so dependent on coffee that I went
through withdrawal when I came home and cut the caffeine
completely. I can hear crickets and peepers outside my window
but the same stars are there, even if the streetlights aren't.
Now I'm home I can ride, and in a month Ill head off to camp
to be a riding instructor again. They also want me to do
arts and crafts which I said Of Course! I would love to teach
art even if I don't know how to. And then in August I will
move back into my single room dorm, go through two
weeks of training and start my junior year with 19 credits
as a resident assistant in the freshman dorm. I am beyond
happy about this. I will be able to make my coffee and stay
up studying biology and clinical as late as i want and not
be disturbing anyone. And I will rise with the sun and go
to the gym. I am happier now than I once was. It's hard to
explain to people what that's like sometimes.
When I am done working for my mother at the floral
shop (that we own, it's Mother's Day weekend) I shall try to
paint and I will put some art up.
I don't have much.

Today is a dreary day and once again I am staring out the window
and I can't see the mountain because there is a cloud bank covering
it. It makes me feel as though I am in a cloud too, but I really I know
that's juse because of how much caffeine I drink and that I haven't
gone to bad any earlier than 3 for the past week. I think that rain droplets
hanging off tree branches in this grey is one of the most beautiful
things in the world and so the tree that grazes my window makes me
happy. I realized
how happy I am that I changed my major and that I am learning what
I am now. I love art and I will miss it but the brain. People. Behaviorism
abnormalities, why is one person so influenced by a group? That's what
I have now and I am happy. Ironically I have a modern art class this semester
and I'm proud of myself for being able to analyze the culture and how it
affected the art being produced at the time. But also I know I must be careful
not to exhaust myself too much because such things lead to disaster.
And now I'm going to take a nap before I go to Dr Persing and
amazing social psychology.

she looks outside and sees a bank of fog
covering the mountains and it is beautiful
in ways that she will never be. she needs to
crawl back into her skin and stop
destroying it. Her mind is too
graphic for the gritty details and know
that her best friends are aware of the
situation at hand. There are stories
tangled in her, wrapping around her
throat to close it tight. Last night
satisfied her in ways that other thing
can't and I'll spare you the details once
again. Please know I love you.
"You're glowing", he said
she smiled "is that a good thing?"


_____
Finals week 2009.
I probably won't go to bed until 4 right now, because it's already 2:26 and I'm just waking up
Hello stars. If i wasn't in the city i could see meteors right now.
My wrist hurts but I have to write. I have to do these study guides.
I cannot fail.

I am officially a clinical psychology major. Something in me says this is right. In case I decide no to art therapy, I can still counsel. THat's all me and my save the world complex need. So now I have 24 extra art credits laying around though I'm going to add a minor in painting, and most will count towards that.
I now have a booked schedule full of psychology and wow.
I'm happy.